Sabrina

Life is funny. One day it's business as usual and the next ... well... let's just say it's not. My beautiful sweet Belgian Shepherd died today in my arms. She was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma just a couple weeks ago. Just this passed Monday she hiked up to the cross with us and today she's gone. Wierd. It happened too fast.

It was only 2 years ago that Sabrina came into our lives. It was a total accident that I found her. I went into Theresa's Country Feed and Pet Supply to get a good grooming tool for Max and the Sales Associate said, "We've got a big black hairy dog in the back. I can show you how it works."

"Okay." I said. At this point, I wasn't even thinking about adopting a dog. However, we were seriously considering getting another puppy as a playmate for Max. Nevertheless, when the sales guy said that Sabrina was free to any good home, it totally didn't register. I just said, "Oh that's nice." Then as Carly and I stayed a little longer I started to fall in love with her. She was beautiful. Even though she was in desperate need of a good grooming she was still beautiful. And sweet. She and Carly instantly bonded. Before I knew what was happening, I began asking questions like, "So how much is she?" and "How much is it going to cost to take her home?" The poor kid must have said "Well, she's free." a hundred times before it clicked. For some reason the concept of "free" just didn't register. But when it did, I called up Mike and said, "I think I'm taking a dog home today. " And he, being the good husband that he is, said, "OK, babe. Whatever you want to do." So, Carly and I walked out of Theresa's with a new doggy and new grooming tool.

As it turned out, Sabrina was far from "free." She was 9 years old when we got her and although the records that she came with stated she was in perfect health, she was not. She had really bad teeth. The first week we had her she had to have two teeth pulled. And about every 6 months or so another tooth had to be pulled. Poor Baby. Then finally last Novemeber I took her in for another round of teeth pulling and the vet suspected a tumor. He wasn't sure though because the two teeth were so bad that soft tissue around the teeth was also so bad. So we watched her really close and hoped for the best.

I thought she just had another rotten tooth when I took her in a couple weeks ago. And she did, but it wasn't because of just having rotten teeth. It was because of a tumor. The tooth had to be pulled because the tumor had caused the root to be exposed etc. So she had to undergo another surgery.

The last two weeks have been a roller coaster. She had her good days and bad days. I knew something was definately wrong this morning when I got up to check on her. She was laying in a position that she has never laid in before, but she was able to walk out to the car for our morning jaunt to the dog park. When we got to the dog park she just stood there. Didn't move. Didn't go potty and then walked over to the cement and laid down and wouldn't get back up. I could tell she was in tremondous pain and knew we were near the end. I put the other two dogs in the car and came back and carried Sabrina to the car.

I knew I couldn't go to church today because I knew Sabrina was real close. When we got back from the dog park the kids and I knelt down next to Sabrina and said a prayer. We all cried together and said our goodbyes to Sabrina.

Tonight at around a 7:45 she was whining for me. She wanted to get up and couldn't. So I helped her up and was going to take her outside. As I was helping her, she collapsed in my arms and starting siezing. It was over. I just held her and waited for it to end. When it did I drove her to the Emergency Animal Clinic in Thousand Oaks and said my final goodbyes.

So, it's funny how life is. You can expect for these things to happen and you can know it's going to happen, but no matter what, it still sucks. It hurts. Sabrina was a good dog. I wish we could have known her her whole life. But it was definately worth every moment just knowing her for two years of it.

Goodbye Sabrina! You're ours now, Baby!

Huntington Library

I kept Carly out of school and played hooky at the Huntington Library. The weather was perfect, the company sublime and the scenery exquisite. If you've never gone, you should. It is absolutely one of my most favorite places to visit. And another reason why I love California.

Here are some highlights:

What Can I Say?

What can I say? I know. It's been a long time. I have no excuses other than life has gotten in the way. I know that may seem ironic since this blog is suppose to be about my life or rather our lives, but I guess I just don't know how to squeeze it in my busy day. However, my brother emailed me and asked me what was up with my blog. This completely shocked me since I didn't think any of my family members read it so I'm back at it.

Nonetheless, rather than to go back and try to fill in the blanks I'll start with today:

Today is Sunday. I love Sundays. It's not just that it is the laziest day of the week. I mean I literally do nothing. We go to church, we come home and I fix lunch and that's it. I'm done. The kids fend for themselves from lunchtime on. It's nice. Really. Although I do pay for it. The house is a total wreck once I immerge from my bedroom (after watching an old movie and a nap), but it's worth it. Totally worth it. But I digress. The real reason I love Sundays is because we go to church and I see my friends. It's a double wammy 'cuz I most always feel the spirit and I get to visit with my girls. I love my girls. I really do. And I hate that one of them is moving away. I'm somewhat still in denial about it but I know it's going to happen if that makes any sense. I'm happy for her and her family, but I'm selfish 'cuz I'm sad for me. I love my Elizabeth and I don't want her to leave.

Robert is turning 8 this year. I can't believe it. Eight years old. We, the kids and I, went to the little eight year old orientation tonight at the church. I filled out the Cub Scout Registration form and everything. Wierd. He is so excited about it though. So excited. He can't wait. I'm already crying over his baptism and will continue to cry over his growing up.

So far this year has been the same as last year. Mike is still gone all the time. Poor thing. He hates it as much as we do. But as my sweet friend, Shandie, pointed out there is still a lot left in the year so there is still plenty of time for it to get better.....Yep....

I'm not one to pretend that all is well. Life has been hard for the last year and a half or so. But at the same time I can't complain. Things can always get worse. But I am greatful for this life and especially mine. Because no matter how hard it gets I have a husband who loves me and two wonderful kids and, really, what else matters?

Love you Kirk!

Robert

Today's Robert's birthday. He's 7. ..... I can't believe he's 7. It just seems like moments ago when Mike was driving me to the hospital the 2nd time (the first time was a false alarm).

I remember watching everyone rushing around when the time had come for me to push. I couldn't feel anything because I had the epidural so it was quite humorous watching everyone rushing around. But then it hit me -- the reality of my life never being the same. No more just me and Mike. No more just MY time. No more... sleep! Life was never going to be the same and that terrified me. And still I truly had no idea just how much my life was going to change.

My sweet baby entered the world October 28, 2002. He was 9 lbs 6oz, 21 1/2 inches long and as healthy as a horse. All the other babies in the maternity ward were sickly and had to stay in the hospital for weeks, but not Rob. He was ready to go home the next day. Such a stud right from the get go!

Today he's 67 lbs and 4'3" tall. Can you believe that? I was watching him walk across the playground to his classroom today and noticed that he's already got a little strut to his walk and thought "What happened to my baby??? It's like he bypassed his youth and headed straight into adolescence!"

But the best thing I love about my son is that he's a better person than me. He has a heart of gold and he's a stronger person than I could ever be. And even though I was terrified for him to come into my life, he definately changed my life for good.

Happy Birthday, Robert!

Highlights From Summer

Just a few highlights from summer.....

Carly's Birthday

The Getty Museum

Grandma Sandy!!!!

(can you find her through all the hugs?)

Grandma Sandy with Logan

Beach with Family and Friends

Carly & Grandma Sandy

Robert & Shawn

(Hiding the bodies I presume)

Dolphins!!!!

Carly & Andrew

Rob & Carly hangin' with their posse

Ahhhh!! Good times! And then......

The First Day of School :(

Where Did All My Energy Go????

I feel like I never get anything done. Seriously. I wake up and the activities never stop. And yet NOTHING gets done. How does that happen? Seriously, I want to know how that happens. I wake up and get dressed at 6:30 -7a. I make the bed and spruce up the house. I get the kids up. We eat breakfast, then I help the kids get ready for school. They clean their rooms and we're off to school by 8-ish. I take the dogs out for their morning run then head to the gym. If there's time I'll squeeze in an errand before I come home, maybe do a chore or two, shower, grab a bite to eat and then go pick up Carly. After Carly comes home is where I can't figure out what happens. Sometimes, I can squeeze in a couple more errands, but sometimes I'll come home with the intent to do something off the endless 'to do' list, but something happens. It's like I get sucked into this black hole and before I know it it's time to go get Robert.

When Rob comes home, forget about it. I'm done. Completely fried. I pick up Rob at 3:30. We go straight from school to either Tennis or Karate. Then home to eat dinner (usually 6p by now) While I'm preparing dinner, I'll run through spelling words, addition flash cards and 'love words' (which are really sight words). We eat dinner and then it's off to baths and bed. 8pm and nothing has gotten done: the dogs automatic waterer hose still needs to be repaired, more sprinkler heads need to be repaired, the gopher still needs to be killed. My bills, papers, movies, kids toys & closets still need to be organized. And that's just a small portion of what all needs to be done. And I'm so tired. So so tired. It's 9:30 and I'll be in bed by 10 which is actually late. I'm usually in bed shortly after I clean the kitchen by 9. So the question still remains.... where did all my energy go? I used to be able to do it all. Now? Nothin'! I get nothing done!

Needless to say, I want my energy back! Seriously, I'm begging for just a little bit of my energy back. But then again, the more I think about it, I'm too tired to care.

Starting Over

I'm not even going to try to fill in the huge gap between the last time I wrote and now. So I'm just starting over.

Honestly, life is hard, but good. Mike is gone a lot but continues to do his best at being a great father and husband. I've been trying to chip away at all the household projects I've got on my list: killing gophers (still!), fertilizing and tilling the flower beds, an endless chore of repairing sprinklers and many other mini projects. It's funny how even though both kids are in school now I still have no time to do all that needs to be done AND keep up with just the regular every day chores.

The kids love school. I'm so greatful for my kids. They're so good! Carly is a blast to hang out with and Robert is just so good. There are so many qualities I see of Mike's in him. Honestly, this is both good and bad. :) But mostly good. They both love school. The first day they were so excited. They both got up early early like it was Christmas. So funny! Here they are the first day of school.

I'm still trying to get used to the daily schedule but it's coming along.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how life is. We think we're in charge of our lives and to a certain extent we are. But for the most part we aren't. There is no doubt in my mind that the only control we have in our lives is how we deal with what happens to us. That is the only control we have. We may think that if we make all the right choices and if do all the right things then somehow, some way we are exempt from all the bad things that happen in the world. But, oh, how naive that is! Things are happening in my life that I have no control over. But I do have control over how I treat my family and friends and what my attitude is going to be for the day. I have control over ..... really what else do I have control over? I mean, really I try to get things done and something ALWAYS comes up so that I don't get the things done that I want to get done. But really what is more important than the way we treat our family and friends? Especially when the times are tough? That truly is the only thing we have control over. Anyway, I'm sorry to be so serious. I just felt the need to share.

Life is good. :)