I Can't Run!

I went for my 4 mile run the other day and discovered I couldn't run. No. Literally, I could NOT run! My calves were so locked up I couldn't run. Of course, at first I thought I was just being a wuss. I mean, out of all the disciplines I'm doing running should be the easiest, right??? WRONG!!!

I joined a triathlon training group about 4 weeks ago and the overall tri coach asked me what I thought my weakest area was. She thought I'd say swimming because that's what most people say, but I told her running. Definately running. She told me to meet with Coach Brett the following Tuesday and he'd help me with my run.

I went feeling somewhat confident and even a little excited. After all, I'm always looking for ways to improve myself. So I get there and meet up with Coach Brett. He takes one look at me and asks me how long I've been running. I tell him about about 6 weeks. He asks me what distance I run. I told him about 3-6 miles. How many days a week he asks me. I tell him about 2-3 days a week. He says, "Ok. You qualify to be here." Oh CRAP! I thought. I'm doomed! Needless to say, this guy is very serious about running. Then he asks me to run a lap. I'm so nervous at this point I take off running way too fast and poop out (but didn't stop) less than a quarter way around the track.

What seemed like an eternity, I finally make it around the track back to Coach Brett. Eager to hear what he has to say, I approach him huffing and puffing. He then proceeds to tell me that I'm all over the place. I'm completely out of balance and that I'm crossing in front of myself and landing wrong with each stride. He told me to stand by the fence and gave me a few excercises to do. I stood there by the fence feeling like a fool, but did the exercises he told me to do. After a few minutes he comes back to me and tells me to run 2 laps around the track to check my pace. OH CRAP! I think again. He sets his watch and I take off. Six minutes later I complete 2 laps. As I had expected, Coach Brett told me I needed to work on my pace. Poo!!!!

By this time I'm looking at my watch hoping the 50 minutes was over. It wasn't. But, to my surprise, Coach Brett asks me what more I thought I could do. Thank goodness he could see I was discouraged and struggling. I told him I thought I could do one more lap. He said okay and then told me to lean into me step and to hit the ground with the forefront of my foot, keep my head up, shoulders square and swing my arms forward and back not across the front of me. So I did. And to my surprise my knee pain vanished. AND I completed the lap with less struggle! Shocker!!!!

When I was done with the lap, I was dismissed. Coach Brett told me that he didn't want to overwhelm me (too late) and to practice what I learned. I was both grateful and relieved. Who knew running was going to be so difficult???

I wish I could say that now I'm an avid runner. Not quite. After all, as I mentioned in the beginning, I just tried to run my usual 4 miles and my calves locked up on me. However, I figure this is a good sign. After all, the correct muscles are working. Now if I can just get them not to lock up I'll be in good shape.

What Do You Do???

The day started out great. I got the kids off to school early, ran 3.5 miles (and didn't stop), was on my way home when I got the text, "Have you checked your email today? something something something Jared Jones has been missing since last night. something something something. search parties up at Rocky Peak."

My heart sank.

Of course, you automatically think the worse, but hope for the best. But there is something telling you, "this isn't good".

After much texting and calling back and forth. The dreaded truth was confirmed. They found Jared but he's no longer with us. Possible cause of death: suicide.

My day goes on as life seems to do, but my mood gets sadder and sadder. I can't stop thinking about Tamara, his wife whom he left behind. What about her? How is she supposed to go on? How is she supposed to live with this? And what can I do to help her????? I want to help. I want to reach out. But I don't really know her that well. I'm friendly with her at church and I knew her husband just barely. What kind of comfort or words of reassurance could someone she barely knows give?

Tamara and Jared were my sons Primary teachers last year and my son loved them. They were the sweetest couple and absolutely loved the kids they taught. So I figure I have to tell my son but what do I say? How do I tell him? He will be so sad about this. He loved Jared. He thought he was so cool because he would bring his guitar into class and incorporate songs into the lesson.

The day goes on and I pick up Robert and Carly from school. As soon as Robert gets settled into the car I tell him, "I've got something sad to tell you. Remember Brother Jared Jones your old primary teacher? He died today."
Robert said, "Brother Jared??? What??? How????"

"I don't know, baby." I say, "He went for a hike last night and never came back and they found him on the side of the trail this morning."

"Did he fall?" Robert asked

"I don't think so."

"Was there something wrong with his heart?? He was so young." Robert says.

"No. I don't know exactly what happened." I say.

Robert pauses for a moment then he says, "Heavenly Father needed him. That's why he died." I just said (as tears welled up in my eyes) "Yes. He was a good man, wasn't he?" And left it at that.

I'm still baffled and my heart still breaks for his family and his wife. And I'm still asking WHY???? Why did he do this. I probably will never know. But what I do know is this: life will go on. Tamra will pick up the pieces and be able to live her life again. And all I can hope to do is to be able to know what to do when I'm needed.

Cycling

I wish I could bottle the feeling I get while cycling through the back roads of SoCal. That way I could experience the exhilaration I get everytime I ride anytime I want.

Yesterday we rode into Hidden Valley (yep just like the salad dressing). And because you're on a bike you see things you wouldn't see in a car. The sun was just starting to set when we rode passed the lake then through the ranches. We saw horses frolicking in their pasture and heard cows mooing in the fields all while a slight head wind brushes against your face and the aroma of fresh air fill your nostrils. You feel your heart pumping your blood through your veins and filling your muscles giving them what they need to keep spinning. You feel the air moving in and out of your lungs and all you can think of is, "Man! It's great to be alive!".
Yep. There's something truly spectacular about that.

Three More Weeks

Three more weeks and I'm rAcing in my 2nd triathlon. I'm super nervous and confident at the same time(is that possible?). I really want to do well. Really well. Like top 5 of my age group. So that's where my nervousness comes from. I'm 44. So we'll see. I can only do what I can do right?

Ever feel like you've got something to prove? That's what I feel like. Like somehow I've got to show the forces of the world that nothing can stop me -- nothing can hold me back and no matter how hard they try they're not going to break me. So that's why I'm working so hard at this.

So October 1st is the big day. Three more weeks. Wish me luck.

What I've Learned This Year

So its no secret that this past year has been most trying. But the lessons learned have been invaluable. I have learned that as difficult as life gets you are never alone - that there definitely is a God who loves and knows us individually. I have learned that no matter how you try to do the right thing there are some people who will always believe you are bad and there is nothing you can do to change their minds. I have learned to be true to myself in spite of all the bad things that have been said about me. I have learned that if you are true to yourself you will be blessed immensely with piece of mind and people who know you for who you are. I have learned that as much as you so want something in your life that maybe that something isn't always good for and you have to let it go. I have learned that I can NOT live this life without the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. I have learned that I am a survivor and that because of this it appears that I never need help when in reality I do. I have learned that you can laugh and cry hard all in the same day. I have learned more about the gifts I've been blessed with and not to second guess them. I have learned that I married the most amazing man who is a far stronger person than i am and who is my partner in all things. And, it goes without saying that my kids continue to amaze me and I learn the most from them.

My senior year in college I did my senior thesis on the Jewish concentration camps and Victor Frankel's book "Man's Search For Meaning". It was definitely my greatest accomplishment achieved in my college career. I studied the life of the Jewish people while in the camps and hadn't at that time understood the magnitude it took to survive such an ordeal - not until this year that is. Now, I would never equate my life to that of life in a concentration camp. However, I understand the mind set it takes to survive and to survive well. Even when you think you can't possibly endure anymore, I'm here to say you can. Somehow. Some way. You can. And no matter how the outside forces of this crazy world try to break you down you still have the choice on how you're going to survive. And this was the greatest lesson I learned this year -- how I was going to survive.

Picture This!

Carly and I were playing with the camera the other night and this is what we came up with:
It initially started because Carly insisted on doing my hair (as you can see in this photo) It's some kind of Pippy-Longstocking/Princess Leah thing and she insisted that she take a picture of it too. So in spite of no make-up I let her take the picture.

From there it turned into serveral adorable photos of my beautiful little girl :)

And then there's me....

All for the sake of making memories, right?

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Dr Seuss's Birthday

Dr. Seuss's Birthday was in March. Robert's school had a contest on who could come up with the best Dr. Seuss hat. Of course, Carly had to get in on the action too. Although, the pre-school wasn't participating. All along I had an idea on what to do for the hats, but never got around to it until that morning. Here's what we came up with:

Turns out Robert won the contest and got the Lorox for his prize! Let's face it, if Carly's class was particpating should would have won too.

Not bad for last minute!